Title: World Breaker
Writer: Joshua Rollins
Logline: In a not-too-distant future, Earth is under attack from creatures from an alternate world, bent on humanity’s destruction. A father hides his 14-year-old daughter on an island to avoid her conscription in the all-female army and escape the war, but nowhere is truly safe.There's a very cool idea half buried in this LL: an interdimensional war fought by women only -- perhaps even girls only. That's the second pillar supporting this premise; the first is the alternate-world invaders. Those two big ideas leave scant room for our LL usual suspects. What's the real story here? What takes up most of the screen time? One of two things: either she's found and drummed into the army by the end of the first act, or at that same turning point the war comes to her on the island. Joshua's LL leans toward the second, I think, courtesy of "but nowhere is truly safe."
Anyway, I won't disturb the LL's content -- those two pillars. But I will cut a fresh path between then, and trim the weeds as I go...
Logline: In the near future, after creatures from an alternate world attack Earth, a father hides his daughter so she won't be conscripted into humanity's only defense: an all-female army. That really zings, because it begs the question: How come only women can fight these invaders? Do the invaders have a way to render human males powerless? Or do the invaders share a fatal weakness that can be exploited by one gender alone?
If the story is indeed premised on an exclusive army of
teen girls then I would return the significant "14-year-old daughter" bit.
